Wednesday, August 15, 2007

FlufferNutter

News of Melenie "Perpetual Spot Blower Upper" Brown's June wedding to Stephen Belafonte has finally leaked. Supposedly they've been friends for years and were getting jiggy wit it while Mel was still pregnant. They didn't go public with their trist until lil baby Angel was born. Who does she think she is? Heidi Klum?...runnin making life long commitments to dudes who are not the father of the child who happens to still be in your belly.

Big mistake marrying this joker. It's all fun and games until someone files for palamony. This Belafonte dude has been rubbing me the wrong way ever since I first heard about him. He kinda gives you that creepy 'show me on the doll where the bad man touched you' vibe. And now I know why. Apparently Steve was ordered to pay $254 bucks a month in child support for his 3-year-old daughter Giselle back in 2005 and has yet to pay any of it. Mel, let me break down what this means:


1. He's a dead beat dad so if you get knocked up…again…he'll bring nothing to the table. He wants your money.

2. Child support figures are based largely on a man's annual income…if my calculations are correct he's bringing in a little over $25K a year…so, um, yea he's broke. He wants your money.

3. Finally HE WANTS YOUR MONEY! HE WANTS YOUR MONEY! HE WANTS YOUR MONEY! RUN B!TCH RUN!!!!!!!!

This Just In!!

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Steve is also wanted for killing a lil baby duck with a brick outside his Point Pleasant, NJ home. He fled to LA before paying the $600 fine and now there's a warrant out for his arrest. So not only is he a dead beat dad but he also smashes in the brains of cute lil fuzzy baby ducks with bricks…what kinda monster is this guy?!?!?!?!?!


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An open casting call will soon be held for the biopic of the life of the Notorious B.I.G. The project has been in the works for years. Listen up big boys! You can begin submitting your audition videos starting this Sunday August 12th at 3pm at www.foxsearchlight.com/notorious or www.biggiecasting.com. The producers are looking for the following:

"As it relates to the individual Christopher Wallace - his looks, his stature, what he represented, the swagger, the sensibility of the man - all those elements are very difficult to find, no matter where you go,'' Barrow said Thursday. ''In the typical Hollywood world, no one came to mind outside of Forest Whitaker who could capture that essence genuinely."


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Lo thinks the boy from Monster's Ball" should play lil Chris Wallace, no?


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First Curtis tells MTv to suck his di@k because they ranked him #8 on their top ten list. This is coming from the same guy who came up with "I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands"…talk about a brillian lyricist. Now he's taking out his frustrations on Kanye (who just happened to have ranked higher on MTV's MC list than him at #5). Both of these megalomaniacs will be releasing their albums on September 11th. 50 says that if Kanye sells more albums than him he's going to quit the business. Hmm, I guess this means goodbye 50. It's been nice knowin you my fine little rabbit toothed ape. But seriously, I'm getting sick of Fiddy's ever present temper tantrums. Somebody needs to take a big heaping spoonful of get over yourself.


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So apparently Tyrese's Girlfriend Norma gave birth to a baby girl July 11th. And where the heck was I when this happened? They look awefully loving in these pics so I guess they peaced things up. If you all recall, about 2 months ago Norma called the cops and said that Jody punched the $hit out of her arms and legs in a violent rage. She filed charges and was treated at a nearby hospital and released but then days later she mysteriously withdrew the charges…never to be rehashed again. Next thing you know they're taking these publicity pics days before she gives birth looking…"happy".

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She must not have any male family members worth a damn. Cus trust and believe if ANY man hit me (never mind hit me whilst I was preggers) calls would go out from New York to Cali to disperse the legion of brothers, cousins, and drunken uncles all lead by the Great Reverend Doctor to bust dat a$$!

Random Pics:

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Colored contacts to hide your dialated pupils…$99, Lollipop to keep you from grinding your teeth to smooth stumps…25 cents, leavin' your babies home so you can roll your face off on double stacker E pills at the club…priceless!


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Check out one of the Olsens sporting a bag big enough for her to fit in. My friend Danny often jokes about the ridiculous size and contents of my purse. He's even refered to it as my Go-Go Gadget Purse.


FILL IN THE BLANK:


If Lo had this purse she'd make sure to pack it with __________.

The winner gets a container of 'Slap Ya Mama'.


In other news…

* Emma Bunton (Baby Spice) gave birth to a little boy named Beau.
* Tamia had a baby girl named Lael Rose.
* Nicole Richie was rushed to the hospital for bleeding…turns out the baby isn't
getting enough nutrition.
* Chris Noth has signed on to reprise his role as Mr. Big for the "Sex in the City" movie.
* Merv Griffin finally lost his battle with cancer this weekend. Peace out Merv.
* Rush Hour 3 doesn't do so hot at the box office.
* Kim Kardashian will have her own reality show on E! this fall.

-Lo



5 comments:

Wendi Muse said...

"He kinda gives you that creepy 'show me on the doll where the bad man touched you' vibe"

um...AWESOME! ;-)
that had me laughing for like 3 minutes straight

The Kaiserist said...

Hey how come in the random pictures are only of white people and you make them look dumb.... just kidding, personally if all celebs went missing I think life would go on.

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